Wow. This chick is a celebrity? And she used to date Brad Pitt? You've got to be freakin' kiddin' me. A few observations:
1. Lose the headband. You look like a half sherpa, half hippie, half moron, half douche.
2. What a total lack of a front porch. Don't you know that everyone in Hollywood gets tits? Make another movie and buy a pair. It's time Jules, trust me, I know, I'm a certified Bahtendah.
3. I hope this dude is your nephew or adopted child or some shit like that. Otherwise you might be the most mismatched couple on the planet. If he's bangin' you, it ain't cuz he digs ya. It's all about your bank, sister.
I'm done. Pay attention!
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