Naked Man Crashes Through Ceiling Into Chick's Apartment

Naked convict falls through ceiling of Hattiesburg apartment

LAMAR COUNTY, MS - Kaliegh Townsend was barely awake when it happened. The 23-year-old Hattiesburg resident was getting ready for work at around 8:40 a.m. on Tuesday in her Foxgate apartment when she heard thumping overhead and then a crash. "I was yelling, 'Get out! Get out!,'" said Townsend. "There was a hole in the ceiling, insulation everywhere, and a naked man lying on the floor." Townsend froze as a nude man in his 30s opened the door to her second-story apartment and bolted outside. Then, Townsend said, the man walked back in and asked if she would lend him a pair of shorts. When she refused, he grabbed a jacket from a nearby hanger and covered himself. She yelled for the naked man to leave, and he did. Minutes later officials from the Lamar County Sheriff's Department and the Mississippi Department of Corrections arrived. Townsend says they told her the man was a parole violator. According to Townsend, the police were knocking on doors in the apartment complex and may have spooked the man they were searching for. He then scurried into the shared attic by way of a closet next door. Officials say they have since captured the man. His name is Patrick Williams, 33, of Adams County. He was convicted in February of 2007 on possession of cocaine. He served a two-year sentence and was placed on three-years' probation. A warrant was issued in 2010 for his arrest because of failure to report to his probation officer...

What's up with all these naked criminals lately? Even if you're a parolee like Patrick here, don't you have a nanosecond to grab a pair of drawers? These naked dudes are all risking getting labeled as sex offenders for the rest of their lives and that's not a good rap sheet to have if you're goin' to the Big House. No one gets fucked with more in prison than the sex offenders. A prison guard once told me that he's never seen a sex offender last more than a month without gettin' boned up the exit.  One month!  Ever!  These guys are like the wounded animals on the plains of Africa. So here's some friendly Bahtendah Wisdom for all you stupid, naked jamokes - take a split second, throw on a pair of boxers and then hide in the ceiling. Even if you fall through, you'll catch a whole lot less shit for the rest of your lives. Pay the fuck attention! You're welcome.