The Lakers' Ron Artest/"Metta World Peace" Wants To Be A Stand-Up Comedian

Hey Ronnie, or Metta, or whatever the fuck your name is - get off the stage.  No one's interested.  There's a difference between funny and just plain weird and you my friend are a certified freakin' goofball.  I know, I know, the hoops career is windin' down so you gotta be thinkin' about Plan B, but trust me bro, this ain't it.  Do us all a favor and put your money in some stable mutual funds, stay home and watch Lifetime.  That big yellow ball in the sky is the sunset - start ridin' off into it.  Please, I'm beggin' ya.  Bang.  Done.  Pay attention!